Two little princesses?

Where does it come from, the Disney Princess mania? Is it in the water at preschool, or just drifting everywhere in an inhalable pink miasma at three year old girl height? How did my daughter, without ever seeing a Disney movie, commercial or toy in our home, come back from preschool one day saying"Mummy, my favourite Princess is Aurora. There are six princesses, and they live in castles and marry princes", with the same confidence and enthusiasm that she tells me "Whales are mammals that live in the sea. They like to eat fish and play. Sharks are not mammals. They are fish that eat other fish". (I'm coaching her to come out with the second statement in intellectual company.). I guess peer influence becomes as important as teacher influence even at this early age.

I'm beginning to understand the lure of the "Waldorf" type preschools, where parents sign a commitment that their kids will not come to school wearing shirts bearing TV characters, or bring politically incorrect Disney merchandise for show and tell. Don't get me wrong, I love the Disney movies; the music, the storytelling, they are enchanting in many ways, but as female role models the princesses fall short. Too slender, too white, too submissive. I see my daughter grasping indiscriminately at every bit of information that comes her way, and fear the power of advertising and the media more than I ever have before. But I don't believe in living in a bubble. I just hope we can do our best as parents to help her filter the fluff from the relevant stuff.

But, as a mother I feel that I should show enthusiasm in the things my daughter likes, rather than tell her who she should be. I do fill her world largely with books and toys of my choosing (one of the bonuses of working motherhood is that I get to go to Target alone, on my lunch break) but I want her to find her own interests too. So we go to the aquarium to encourage her interest in ocean creatures. And I buy her Disney princess costumes to indulge her pink frilly fantasies. At least in her imaginary games she goes off to rescue other princesses (and then takes them to the ball to get married). Even before I got her the costume (a reward for 7 days of not hitting anyone at preschool. She had some challenges when she transitioned), she had already got into the endearing habit of coming home and putting on a new, prettier outfit. Now, every day, she comes straight home and gets into the Aurora costume.

The other day she found another costume, an old Halloween "Bumblebee fairy" one, and asked me to put it on her brother "Geekyboy wants to be a princess too, she said. He's Belle, because this has yellow". I hesitated for a split second about making a spectacle of my small son by dressing him in "baby drag", but decided that it would be rather fun. Geekyboy was game, like any small boy he wants to be just like his older sister. My younger brother (we are two girls and a boy spread over five years) often joined my sister and I in a game of dress up, and in fact for years he was wearing girls clothes when our milkman stopped by to collect the weeks money, so the poor man thought he was a girl, and was quite taken aback when one day my mother called out "Thomas" to the small child in the high heels and purple skirt.

Geekyboy has taken to this game of dress up, anything for attention from beloved big sis, and it has become an evening ritual. I'm not sure now what we will do when halloween comes around, though. If I let the children choose their own costumes I fear Geekyboy will pick something rather more frilly than is usually seen on a toddler boy. Well, I guess we do live in San Francisco, so it is never to early to perfect the drag queen look. Maybe I will even persuade Geekdaddy to break out the dress he used to wear to Halloween in the Castro and we can all be princesses.

My two princesses:

Pretty Mummy

Lately I have been getting called "poo poo head" a lot. Which is preferable to being hit, but still I'm not too delighted with this. I'm all for creative nicknames though, so I asked my daughter what she thought I might like to be called instead, and she came up with some good ideas, one of which was "pretty mummy". Since then, every time she wants to make a point, she has been using that moniker instead. A great improvement and much better for my self esteem.

Until today. I do daycare pick up, so every evening we all come into the house, and we have a routine; Geekygirl closes the garage door with the magic button and runs upstairs. Orangegeek the cat slips into the garage and pees on the car tires, and I chase him ineffectively around the garage for a while until he decides to head back up to the house, then I stagger up the stairs with Geekybaby (now such a large lad that he needs to be renamed Geekyboy, or Geekylinebacker), balanced on one hip, and the lunchbags, my laptop, and my purse giving ballast on the opposite shoulder.

Geekygirl usually changes into her pink tutu, her pink and orange swimsuit, or her pink sleeping beauty costume as soon as she gets home. She is big on pink these days. Some feminist Mums I know get oddly angry about pink. I've seen long emails on our parent group requesting advice on how to stop little girls gettings sucked into the Disney marketing pink machine. Personally I don't have the energy, and besides, I quite like pink. I think us feminists should reclaim it and make it our own.

I, after starting the kids dinner, letting the dog out and feeding the cats, change into my "I'm relaxed and I'm home" gear; slipper socks, tatty grey sweatpants and an old blue sweatshirt with native american symbols embroidered on it that I bought in Bryce Canyon when we camped there back in July 2002, and got caught in a freak snowstorm. This evening when I reappeared in the kitchen so attired I heard "But Mummy, you are not pretty". I looked down at myself and realized the truth in that statement. Comfy, but really not pretty. I've let myself go.

Maybe it is time for me to get myself a nice comfy tutu to change into when I get home from work. Or at least some pink sweatpants and a spangly sweater!

what would Ariel do?

I'm not sure when the "Disney Princesses" formed a posse, rather like the spice girls but with less cultural diversity, but these days the pervasive pentangle of Sleeping beauty, Cinderella, Beauty, Jasmine from Aladdin, and Ariel the little mermaid, are unavoidable to the parents of a three year old girl.

I'm not a particular fan of these ladies, but neither am I fanatically against them, despite their subliminal message of submissive, slender, girly pinkness. I expect that the children's obsessions will wax and wane, but a parents disapproval can only act to fire the flames of longing. I recall many Thursday nights, secretly watching "Dallas" at a more permissive friend's families house (The immoral show was deemed unsuitable for us), since being able to discuss the intricacies of Bobby's relationship with Pam and Jenna was essential for joining the crowd at middle school.

We have not purchased any of the princessy merchandise, or seen the movies, but it seems they are popular at preschool. The first I heard of this was during dinner

"We don't speak with our mouths full" I remind.

After chewing, swallowing and restarting her sentence I hear "Ariel wouldn't talk with her mouth full".

"No indeed" I concur.

"And Ariel wouldn't spit. Or throw food"

"Ariel would behave nicely at the table" I say.

"But Ariel doesn't go poo poo in the potty. Ariel goes poo poo in the ocean"

I didn't have an answer for this one. I guess Ariel may have good table manners, but she can't be a role model for our struggle with toilet training

New shiny shoes

With spring comes the need for new sandals for the ever growing tiny feet. Geekbaby, now walking sturdily, needed his first pair of "real shoes", and Geekygirl has been looking a bit odd in boots with shorts, and is not allowed to wear her Crocs to school (the playground bark gets inside them), so needs some sandals.

Nordstrom is our store of choice for kids shoes. the kind assistants, the broad choice of brands, and of course the fish tank make it unbeatable.

Geekygirl is turning into a bit of a shoe maven. And who can blame her, really. Shoes are so satisfying, such a reflection of personality, they are a fetish of mine, even though my tastes have been sobered in recent years. Even before I had or even contemplated children, though, I was drawn to children's shoes, so cute and colourful and delightfully small.

So our excited girl ran over to the shoe displays, and I directed her to the table of shoes in her size range. I picked out a sturdy black soled purple Keene brand shoe and a slightly girlier but sensible looking pink Ecco sandal. I looked over at my daughter and saw her mesmerized by the sight of another sandal. A metallic pink one by Lellikelly, encrusted with sequined flowers, resembling more a mermaid's jeweled comb than a piece of footwear. "Mummy these ones are so beautiful" she said. And I couldn't disagree, they were indeed adorable. Whoever designs these things has got inside the mind of a three year old girl, for sure!

So we asked for the three shoes in her size. The funky clunky Keene ones seemed to fit quite well, and Geekygirl did a few laps of the store, but only under protest, declaring "these ones are not comfortable". Next we tried the sparkly ones, and before they had even touched her foot she declared "these ones are really comfortable, Mummy". A run about confirmed her hopes, the shoes seemed to fit well. "I want these ones please, the other ones are not comfortable" she said.

The funny thing about the cognitive skills of a three year old, is that though they can use words to get their own way, and even tell lies, they are easily caught out.

I asked my daughter "Are the purple ones really not comfortable, or are you just pretending that they are not comfortable so that we will buy you the sparkly ones?"

Without hesitation she replied "I'm just saying that they are not comfortable because I want the sparkly ones"

I'm hoping that this little girl who will only wear one brand of underpants because all the others are "scratchy" is not yet capable of saying that a beautiful shoe is comfortable when it actually feels like pincers clawing at her toes. I think that denial probably kicks in during the teen years, evidenced by my deformed feet, for years squashed into shoes I bought back when my priority for shoe buying was a cute, fashionable shoe off the sale rack, not a shoe that fitted my foot.

She skipped around the store, so pleased with how her feet looked. "My friends have these" she declared. Can we really be dealing with peer pressure already?!

We hesitated. Her desire for these shoes was so tangible, but I had not really intended to buy her something so frivolous looking. This was a dilemma that touched me deeply. Their is nothing more poignant to my mind than a little girl being asked to take home a comfortable practical pair of shoes when she really really wants that ones that make her look like a princess. The sales assistant jumped in to help (help my daughter, that is) by pointing out the sturdy rubber soles and strong leather straps of the mermaid shoes.

I considered buying her two pairs, but then realized that actually getting her to wear anything other than the sparkly ones would require the kind of diplomacy I'm just not capable of every morning. So we bought them. Geekygirl wore them home with delight. And I have to admit, they really do look adorable.

fashionista

From quite an early age, Geekygirl has taken an interest in what she is wearing. As a toddler she loved certain shirts, and had favourite colors and fabrics. So far she has not morphed into an "all pink, all the time girl" either, which I'm pleased about. She has a fair amount of pink, of course, but seems to have an equal attraction for turquise, orange, and even black, sometimes looking like a tiny nightclubber or art student in black stretch pants and funky T's.

I used to offer her a choice of two or three outfits, matched by me, every morning, but as her independence has grown she now prefers to select the whole outfit herself. Since she also gets herself dressed, I'm pretty happy with this state of affairs.

Given how hurried we are many mornings to get everyone fed and attired, I'm not too picky about what she wears. Layering is her big thing. She was told once that it was too cold to wear her favourite spaghetti sleeved top, and I suggested putting a longer sleeved top under it. This has started a trend, it seems, now if I ever warn her that a chosen outfit is not warm enough for the day, she simply puts another shirt on underneath it.

Sometimes though, I'm really impressed with the outfits she puts together. Like this one. Notice how the turquoise spotty pants bring out the turquoise stripes in the sundress, and also echo the spots on the sleeve of the shirt she has underneath. The pink boots work very well and the headband tops it off perfectly, pulling together all the colors in the outfit. I didn't even buy any of these items with the intention of combining them. Maybe we have a future contender on "project runway"? Though judging by today's choice of green striped shirt under orange tank top with pink leggings, maybe she has a way to go!